By Jamie Fromberger
WATE's The Bachelorette Blogger
As week two of The Bachelorette is upon us, let's reminisce for a moment about last week's 25 suitable (or not so suitable) bachelors that arrived in their own unique (read: awkward) ways.
By the night's end we said farewell to six of the men. An impromptu "get the heck out" moment midway through the show was specially-delivered to Johnathon for his drunken ways and his eagerness to shut himself and Desiree away in the Fantasy Suite.
Also leaving was the "not-so-magical" magician and McCreepy, the ER doctor that gave all viewers the heebie-jeebies.
Now that we've cleaned house from the initial train wreck that arrived via limo (and random motorcycle), we have our numbers down to nineteen, with the promise or threat of date cards entering the picture.
The very first one-on-one date of the season was Brooks, or as I like to call him, "Bad Hair McGhee." Taken for a drive in the powder blue Bentley that Desiree has been granted for the season, she took him on a first date to a place guaranteed to never freak a guy out or make him run for the hills: wedding dress shopping.
Now this may be what she considers her "work" for a living, but girlfriend had her dream dress hung and steamed and ready to model for America, with the princess-like twirls to accommodate her favorite saying of the season "like a fairy tale."
Leaving the shop in their bride and groom attire, the couple then took a drive/stroll to the Hollywood sign, where they shared the first kiss of the season. We got to witness just how sensitive the microphones they were wearing are, by hearing a sloppy kiss. It sounded like my dog slapping up water. I may or may not have vomited in my mouth at that point.
While Twitter and Facebook reviews of Brooks seemed positive, and some even had him pegged to make it to the end, I think his time here is limited. He should enjoy the attention, free booze, and poolside views while he can.
Rose or no rose from Des, Brooks was NOT in my top five.
While some may consider the one-on-one date to be the desired card, as a viewer the group-on-one dates are the fave. They are nothing less than ridiculous and strange.
For the first group date 14 men were sent with Desiree to where they were give the task of "rapping." Yes, you read that correctly. Pretty boys of America were sent to be gangsta.
Now let me say these boys were whiter than white, and although they were given a very well-known mentor, they couldn't even pronounce his name correctly. It is not "sol-dier" boy. It's "soul-JA" boy.
To make matters worse, each of the guys was given a past bachelor to mock in their rap, from Jason Mesnick and his memorable hunched-over crying pose, to Kasey Kahl and his creepy tattoo and off-tune singing. They all bombed horribly.
Titled "Here for the Right Reasons," their song will NOT be making iTunes Top 100 list. Or for that matter, the Top 100,000,000 list.
Given the rose on the group date was the guy I am assuming is this season's "villain," Ben. His son Brody, whom we met in the middle of the night for 2.5 seconds, was passed off to his grandmother and presumably handed back to his mom. The dramatic music and extreme tensions that filled the screen when Brody appeared gave insight into the drama that is sure to unfold. No doubt the little sign of approval we saw from Des was an anxiety attack waiting to happen to the other guys. Ben let his security go straight to his head and walked around with confidence only Tierra and Vienna have ever been able to accomplish. I'm not going to lie though. I am 100 percent team Ben. I think he's awesome.
Finishing out the dates was Bryden, who was given a tour of the landscapes and a trip to a spa. I personally yawned through the entire segment and found nothing exciting about him OR their date. He, on the other hand, was like my five-year-old in a pool. While Des was trying to be romantic and achieve her third kiss of the night, you could tell all he wanted to do was cannonball into the spa and do uncoordinated handstands. Let's let him go soon, k?
As the rose ceremony approached, nerves became rattled and we saw Michael start to get a little "Lifetime TV meets Bravo" by confronting Ben about his motives. Michael show his disapproval of Ben spending time with Des after getting a rose. He then felt the need to pull her aside and have a "serious" talk.
Dramatically breaking the news, Michael let her in on his heartbreaking secret, that he has --wait for it -- Diabetes.
Not to say it's not a serious disease, because it TOTALLY is, but it's not a deal-breaker. Telling her you were once a girl or you have an STD, that would be something that would require that type of sit-down and heart to heart, but this? This was a clear reach for sympathy and compassion. Fail. At least in my mind.
While she did keep Michael around, she said goodbye to Will, who was the over enthusiastic high-fiver and yoga freak. She also said goodbye to Robert and Nick, both of whom I never even remembered seeing last week, so clearly they didn't leave very good impressions on anyone.
As the drama continues and the fights ensue, I'll be right here keeping you up to date!
Until next time...
The opinions expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not reflect the opinions of WATE, ABC, The Bachelorette or any related persons.
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